


fill in the gaps

by lauraxtennant



Series: Post-Episode Collection [19]
Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: F/M, Friendship, Humor, Post-Episode: s04e10 Midnight, Reunion Fic, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-29
Updated: 2015-02-08
Packaged: 2018-03-09 14:44:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 14,089
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3253592
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lauraxtennant/pseuds/lauraxtennant
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Doctor and Rose reunite after his and Donna's experience on the planet Midnight.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Rose steadied herself against the nearest wall, heaving in a few deep breaths. Wherever she’d ended up was unbearably humid, so once she’d caught her breath back, she stripped off her blue leather jacket. Glancing around, she realised she was in some sort of changing room, which confused her. The dimension cannon was supposed to lock on to somewhere the TARDIS had recently been, using her key as a link. Why would the Doctor be in a gym, or something?

Wrinkling her nose, she pushed herself away from the tiles and made her way through a door to her left. It didn’t take her long before she found a sign telling her where she was. Apparently, the Doctor had fancied a spa weekend. Rose smirked to herself. Maybe he’d needed a holiday.

After poking her head around a few doors to find an appropriate broom closet, she finally found the one. She stumbled forwards in shock, dropping her jacket to the floor, and pressed her hands against the blue wood of the TARDIS. She’d finally done it. She’d finally found him.

“Oh my god,” she whispered, pressing her forehead against the doors. “You’re really here.”

So many times, she’d turned up minutes or seconds after the TARDIS had already disappeared. So many times, she’d been so close.

And, finally, she was here, and so was the TARDIS, which meant so was he.

Rose inhaled sharply, and knocked, shifting from foot to foot impatiently. When nobody answered after a few short moments, she murmured, “Screw it,” and let herself in.

The lights were dimmed in the console room, signalling to her that no one was home. She bit her lip, and rushed up the ramp, stroking the closest coral strut to her. Swinging around it happily, she moved over to the console, trailing her fingers lightly over the controls as she circled them to get to the monitor.

“I’m back. Gonna help me find him, TARDIS?” she asked, hoping somehow the ship would be able to let her know his general vicinity. She didn’t think she could wait around until he just showed up back here. Plus, she didn’t want to give him a heart attack.

The console monitor flickered to life and pinpointed his location on a map of the ground floor of the spa complex.

“Thanks, old girl.” She grinned, kissing her fingers and pressing them against the console, and once she’d memorised the route she needed to take from the map, she hurried back out of the TARDIS.

She sprinted down the corridor towards the spa’s reception, looking around frantically. The TARDIS had said he was here, but all she could see were a few people heading out of the doors up ahead to board a train or shuttle of some sort. Sighing to herself, she slowed her pace, and tried to look casual as she reached the reception desk.

“Hi!” She flashed the receptionist a wide grin. “Sorry, think I just missed a bit of a -” She glanced down and saw a leaflet for a trip to see the ‘Sapphire Waterfalls of Midnight.’ “- trip to see the sights?”

“Yes, Miss, I’m afraid today’s excursion just left. If you were only a minute earlier…” He shrugged apologetically.

“That’s okay,” Rose said quickly. “It was actually my friend that I wanted to catch - tall man, great hair, brown suit? Did you see him get on?”

“Oh, you mean the man who called himself Doctor?”

“Yes! That’s him!” Rose couldn’t help but grin in relief. “How long’s the trip?”

“It’ll be back by six, Miss.”

“Right.” Rose glanced at the clock. Eight hours to wait. “Okay, that’s - I’ll just hang around for a while, then.”

“His friend is relaxing by the pool, I believe.”

“Sorry?”

“The Doctor, he arrived with a red-haired lady. She forwent the trip to see the diamonds.”

“Oh! Oh, okay! Thanks!” Rose was breathless with anticipation now that she knew he’d arrived here with someone. “And the pool…?”

“Just down there and to your right, Miss.”

“Thanks so much!”

Rose rushed off in the direction he’d indicated. There were several people on loungers around the poolside, but only one with red hair. Rose carefully straightened her top, took in a deep breath, and walked over to the woman, plonking herself down on the lounger next to her.

“Hi!” she greeted warmly.

The woman opened her eyes and raised her eyebrows. “Hello?”

“Sorry, this might sound like a weird question, but - are you friends with the Doctor?”

She saw the woman stiffen and look at her warily. “Why, what’s it to you?”

“I’m an old friend,” Rose explained. “And I was hoping I could stick around here with you ‘til he gets back from his trip. So that I can…well, so that I can say hello. To him. And - well.” She cleared her throat. “It’s been a while since we saw each other, and - ”

“I don’t mean to be rude, but I don’t even know who you are. You could be anyone - you could be trying to hurt him, for all I know,” said the Doctor’s friend pragmatically.

“Oh, right. Probably should introduce myself, shouldn’t I? Sorry, I’m a bit all over the place. Knackered and excited, well, it makes for a weird combination.” She held out her hand. “I’m Rose. Rose Tyler.”

The woman’s eyes widened. “Oh my god!” She grabbed Rose’s hand, squeezing firmly. “I’m Donna Noble. And you’re Rose! I thought - he said you were lost!”

Rose carefully extracted her hand from Donna’s enthusiastic grip and fiddled with her earring. “He - he mentioned me?”

Donna rolled her eyes, waving a hand about vaguely. “Oh, all the time! Where’ve you been? He’s been moping around for ages!”

Rose ran a hand through her hair. “I’ve been trying to get back for a while now. I was, um. I was trapped in a parallel universe.” She saw Donna open her mouth to question this but shook her head quickly. “Don’t ask. We’ll fill you in later, promise. I just - for now, I just need to know - ” She swallowed hard. “How long’s it been for him?”

“I first bumped into him a few years ago, then Martha travelled with him, and then I came onboard, so…three years? Maybe?” Donna wrinkled her nose. “He’s never very specific about that sort of thing.”

“No, right, course. Thanks, Donna.” Rose smiled. “So. Martha, and now you, that’s - I’m glad he found someone. Someones.” She nodded to herself. “Yeah, that’s - that’s great.”

Donna smiled back. “How long’s it been for you, Rose?”

“About the same.”

“And you must’ve missed him a lot, to find your way back.”

“Yeah.” Rose paused, fiddling with the hem of her t-shirt. “I tried to get on with things at first. Got a job at this organisation - we, um, we sort of protect the Earth from alien threats, and help any aliens who stumble upon us accidentally, that sort of thing.”

“Sounds impressive!” Donna admired.

Rose shrugged. “I have this friend on my team, she came up with some ideas to get me back. And, amazingly, her theories worked. I’ve been travelling back and forth the last month or so, trying to find the right him.”

“The right him?”

“Sometimes I just miss him, or the dimension cannon gets the timelines mixed up, so I’ve met him a couple of times in his past. Can’t really talk about that though, don’t know what I’m allowed to say without disrupting the space-time continuum, or whatever.”

“Fair enough.” Donna grinned. “So, you’re planning on staying, yeah?”

Rose let out a whoosh of breath. “If he still wants me to, yeah.” She glanced at Donna. “You don’t mind, do you? It’s just, I’ve missed him so much - ”

“Hey, you’ve got nothing to worry about with me, Rose,” Donna assured her, smirking knowingly. “I’m not competition or anything.”

“How do you mean?”

Donna narrowed her eyes. “Come on, you can tell me - it’s obvious, anyway.”

“What is?”

“Me and him, we’re just best friends, but you…” Donna trailed off.

“I…?” Rose prompted, her gaze and voice steady.

Donna huffed impatiently. “You’re Spaceman’s girlfriend, aren’t you?”

“What?” Rose laughed out loud. “Girlfriend? Where’d you get that idea?”

Donna frowned. “I thought - the way he spoke about you. Sounded like you were together.”

“Oh. Well, I s’pose…” Rose swallowed thickly. “S’pose we were, sort of. It was all a bit - ” She gestured vaguely with her hand. “- Undefined.”

“Ah. I see.”

“Anyway,” Rose hurried on. “He won’t be back for ages. Fancy a dip? Think I’ll pop to the TARDIS and grab a swimming costume.”

Donna smiled. “Sounds good. I’ll meet you in the pool.”

“Great!”

::

Hours later, when the Doctor arrived back at the hotel, Rose was in the sauna, and Donna didn’t know how to tell him she was so closeby, not after what she’d heard had happened to him on the shuttle.

She gave him a hug as soon as she saw him, and let him speak without saying anything herself for a few minutes.

“Anyway,” he said, running his hand down his face. “Do you mind if we leave? I don’t think I’m up for the anti-grav restaurant, to be honest.”

“Doctor - ”

“If you’re hungry you can rustle up something on the TARDIS, yeah?”

“Doctor, listen, there’s something I need to tell you.”

“Donna…” He trailed off, his eyes drifting over her shoulder. Abruptly, he stood, his chair scraping along the floor in his haste. Swallowing hard, he stared as Rose walked over to him.

Donna bit her lip and turned in her seat to watch the reunion.

Rose was still wearing her swimming costume, a towel haphazardly tucked around her chest, her hair pulled up in a loose bun. Donna hid a smile at the Doctor’s confused expression.

“Hi, Doctor.”

His mouth opened then closed, then opened again. “You - you can’t be here.”

“I am, though.” She stepped closer, leaving only a few feet of distance between them.

“How?” he asked, his voice croaking.

“Dimension cannon.” Watching his forehead crease, she shook her head gently. “I’ll tell you about it later. For now - don’t I get a hug?”

The Doctor’s hands clenched into fists as his arms hung by his sides. “You - ” He cut off, and glanced at Donna. “Is she - ?”

Donna nodded. “Me and Rose have been chatting all afternoon. She’s legit.” She grinned.

He shifted awkwardly. “But you didn’t know her. She could be an imposter - my telepathic defences are down, she could - ”

“Still here,” Rose muttered, giving him a wave. “You don’t have to talk about me like I’m not in the room.”

“Yeah, you’ve done enough of that,” Donna pointed out wisely.

His gaze returned to Rose. “But…”

“Doctor, come on. I haven’t seen you in three years, least you could do is hug me.”

His eyes flitted down her body for the briefest moment. “You, uh. Why aren’t you fully clothed?”

Rose took another step forwards, entering into his personal space. “Donna and I went for a swim whilst we waited for you to get back.” She stroked the lapels of his jacket, and sighed, so relieved to be able to touch him again. “Pete’s World’s been a lark, but…” She met his gaze steadily. “Ready to come home now. I missed you so much.”

One second he was standing still, rigid, simply staring at her, and the next he had seized her in his embrace, wrapping his arms tightly around her, squeezing her to him, lifting her off her feet. Rose laughed, wrapping her arms around his neck, hugging him back just as tightly. She buried her face in his shoulder, breathing in deep.

Donna watched them, blinking quickly and pretending her eyes weren’t filling up.

::

The walk back to the TARDIS was quiet. After his exuberant hug, he’d withdrawn a little, downcast and shy. Donna linked arms with Rose and explained what had happened, whilst the Doctor told the manager of the spa complex that they had better pack up shop and find a new planet.

“Come here,” Rose said, when they were inside the console room. Despite his silence, he returned her embrace willingly, pressing his cheek against hers as she stroked her hands down his back. “Is there anything I can do?”

He gave her a final squeeze and drew back. “I’ll be all right.”

She raised her eyebrows, and heard Donna snort in disbelief behind her. She was glad to have an ally in her. “Yeah, sure you are. Big strong Time Lord. But I reckon you need some rest.”

He exhaled a long breath. “Mmm. Sorry.” He rubbed at the back of his neck. “I know this probably isn’t the reunion you were expecting. Um. Listen, would it be all right if we started over tomorrow? That - whatever it was - it’s actually really done a number on my head, and - ”

Rose shushed him, wrapping her arms around his waist again. “It’s okay, Doctor, I understand. You go get some sleep.”

“We can grab some food in the galley, carry on getting to know each other, eh, Rose?” suggested Donna.

Rose pulled back from the Doctor to smile at her new friend. “Yeah, I’d like that.”

“Thank you,” he murmured. “I’ll…I’ll see you in the morning.” He moved away, then retreated and touched her hand lightly. “I’m really glad you’re back, Rose.”

She beamed at him and then waved him off. “Sleep!”

He nodded and left the console room.


	2. Chapter 2

That night, shortly after Rose had turned off her bedroom light and settled under the covers for some much needed sleep herself, she heard a timid knock to her door.

“Yeah?” she murmured into the darkness, propping herself up on her elbows.

The door opened slowly and the Doctor’s head popped around it. “Hello. Sorry. Did I wake you?”

“Nah, just got in. Donna can _talk,_ ” Rose laughed. “I really like her.”

He stepped fully into her room, and closed the door behind him. He was in his pjs and socks, she saw that much when he was backlit from the light in the corridor, but she only heard him move across the room now they were plunged into darkness again. Well, actually, just her - he had much better night-vision, apparently, or so he’d told her years back.

She felt the mattress dip as he crept onto the bed with her. “This okay?” he asked.

“Of course.” She shifted over to give him room, lifting the duvet so that he could scoot inside with her.

“Ta.” He paused for a moment, his breathing steadying, then continued, “Couldn’t sleep. Well, that is, I took a few painkillers and dozed off for a couple of hours, but then I woke up and I couldn’t get _back_ to sleep.”

“Is your head still hurting?” she whispered, feeling around in the dark until she found his shoulder. She used that as a guide to where his head was, and trailed her hand up to ghost across his forehead.

He turned onto his side abruptly, and her hand dropped for a second until he grabbed it, linking their fingers together. “All I want to be thinking about right now is you,” he whispered back. “But yes, it still hurts. I think…well, it’s unpleasant, to say the least, having one’s mind taken over. You remember, with Cassandra.”

“Yeah,” she confirmed, squeezing his hand.

“Anyway, it’s distracting, and frustrating, and it’ll probably linger for a bit, which I don’t want it to, because you’re back and I haven’t even…” He trailed off.

“It’s okay,” she said, wanting to comfort him but not really knowing how. “We’ve got plenty of time. I’m not going anywhere. Whatever it is, it can wait until you’re better.”

“Rose…”

“Doctor, you’ve been through something traumatic.” Her eyes had started to adjust a bit to the dark, and she could just make out his face, or at least, the proximity of his face. She’d suspected he was leaning in close, from the way she could feel his breath on her lips, but she tried to ignore the sensation and concentrate on soothing him. “You need to just, take some time for yourself. I get that.”

“And if - ” He coughed awkwardly. “If me being here, with you, if that helps?”

“You can stay as long as you want. Make it your permanent residence if you like. God knows you nearly did, back…back then.” Her voice shook and she cleared her throat. “Besides. This is your TARDIS.”

“It’s your home too,” he murmured, letting go of her hand to stroke her hair from her eyes. “And this is your bedroom, your…private area. I don’t want to intrude if you feel uncomfortable, or if you think it’s too soon for us to - to share.”

“I don’t feel uncomfortable. I want you to stay the night, all nights, however many nights you like.”

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.”

“And thank you for coming back.”

She smiled. “Thanks for still wanting me.”

He wrapped his arm around her and brought her closer, shifting onto his back again so that she could rest her head on his chest. “That wasn’t exactly a variable.”

Rose curled into him even more, pressing her lips against his pyjama shirt.

Both of them fell asleep within minutes.

::

When Rose walked into the galley the next morning, Donna was already eating breakfast at the table, and the Doctor was at the stove, still in his pyjamas, on cooking duty.

“Morning,” Rose greeted, taking a seat next to Donna.

The Doctor turned to them with a smile. “Good morning! Here you go!” He handed Rose a plate full up with bacon, eggs, beans and sausages.

“What’s with the Full English?” Rose laughed, but she eyed the food eagerly and soon began to tuck in.

“He thought we could all do with a bit of nourishment, he said,” replied Donna.

The Doctor nodded and sat down with them with his own plate.

Rose was content to listen to the Doctor and Donna chatting as she ate, but she didn’t miss the way both of them kept shooting her little looks. In the Doctor’s case, his gaze kept straying to her, the corner of his mouth turning up as he did, like he was reassuring himself she was still there.

Donna’s expression was more suspicious, and when the Doctor announced he was going to his room to change, Rose said, “All right, what’s with that look?”

Waving her fork dismissively, Donna replied, “I don’t know what you mean.”

Rose grinned. “Yeah, right.”

Donna put her cutlery down and lowered her voice. “I’ve never seen him like that.”

“Like what?”

“So…light. Even after what happened yesterday.”

Rose shook her head. “You know he just does that to deflect. To make us think he’s all right.”

“Yeah, s’pose. But, here’s the other thing.” Donna raised her eyebrows. “That man has always been suited and booted whenever he comes in here for brekkie, _if_ he comes in here, which he doesn’t always. What’s with the pyjamas?”

“You can’t seriously tell me you didn’t think he slept.”

Donna rolled her eyes. “No, course I knew he slept, Dumbo. I’ve just never seen him comfortable enough to walk around here like that.”

“Oh.” Rose finished off her food, and sighed when Donna kept staring at her. “What?”

“Did you two…”

“No!” she spluttered, then cleared her throat to reply more soberly, “No. Course we didn’t.”

“Right.” Donna squinted at her but nodded. “I suppose he had just been through…well, whatever that was.”

“And we don’t - that’s not, you know.” Rose could feel her cheeks heating up. “On his radar.”

“Sure,” Donna smirked. “Whatever you say.”

“Donna.”

“I’m going to go get ready. Think he’ll want to stay in today or - ”

“Nah,” Rose replied. “He’s gonna throw himself back into it all, just you watch.”

Donna blew out a long breath. “That man can never relax.”

“Can you blame him, though, when he tries to take you to a spa and ends up getting possessed?”

“That,” Donna conceded, as she walked towards the galley door. “Is a very good point.”

::

Before Rose had quite registered it happening, two weeks had passed. Two weeks of one adventure after another, barely pausing for breath. It was similar to how things were before she’d got stuck in the parallel world, only even more hectic, and less…well, she wasn’t sure. Something just felt _less._

He hugged her a lot. That hadn’t changed. And he’d still take her hand, if they were running, still hover close to her if they were in the same room. And she knew that he still looked at her like he used to, like how she used to worry she’d been imagining, stuck all those years without him. Donna brought a new dimension to their travels, of course, but Rose loved that. One thing she had been anxious about, buried under all the determination to get back to him, was that she’d end up feeling terribly lonely, back on the TARDIS. Even with the Doctor. Because she’d lose her family, and lose her definitive grip on Earth along with them.

However, with Donna around, she felt that anxiety recede. She had a friend, an actual human friend, and when she said it like that, in her head, it made her laugh. Because she’d always made friends easily, had people gravitate towards her. In school, at the estate - at Torchwood, even. But a life travelling the stars meant little time to keep up with friends and their social calendars.

Seriously, having Donna on board was a godsend. And the fact that she clearly had no romantic feelings for the Doctor, well, that was an excellent bonus, because Rose was self-aware enough to realise that if that had not been in the case, she’d probably feel a little different. A lot more jealous, for example.

There were still twinges of envy, occasionally, when the Doctor and Donna shared an inside joke that she wasn’t privy to, but then, she suspected Donna must feel the same way when it was her left out of the loop. Luckily, Rose’s friendship with Donna was blossoming quickly, and they both usually realised when there was an element of ‘third wheel’ feeling in the air, encouraging each other to join in or explaining the origins of the memory they were reminiscing about. The Doctor, of course, remained oblivious to this, which Rose and Donna also discussed, at great length, and it wasn’t rare for the Doctor to walk in and find the two women giggling about him.

But the thing was, Rose had thought - she’d dreamed up all sorts of scenarios in her time apart from the Doctor. In not one of them did she not imagine him kissing her.

She’d thought that was what he wanted, what he’d only had the chance to do a couple of times, hastily and fuelled by adrenaline, back before they were separated.

Evidently not.

Though the Doctor didn’t seem to be thinking along those lines, it became apparent to Rose one day, as she lounged in the library plotting ways to determine whether the Doctor actually even fancied her, which she’d been pretty sure of before, that she wasn’t the only one contemplating the Doctor’s lack of interest in her.

“Rose, can I ask you a personal question?” asked Donna, as she sat down next to her on the sofa.

Rose took a sip of tea and eyed Donna warily over the rim of her mug. “Okay. Sure. What’s up?”

“Has he…said anything?”

“What? Who?”

Donna huffed. “The Doctor. Has he said, you know.”

“I don’t get what you’re trying to say,” replied Rose, twisting her earring. She didn’t want to talk about this, but at the same time, she wanted a second opinion. Another useful thing about having Donna around. Still, it was all a bit awkward.

“When we first met, you said that you two, before, that you’d been ‘undefined.’ I know it’s not my place to pry, but I was just wondering if you’d, you know, made any progress on that?”

“Why are you interested?”

“You’re my friends, and clearly you’re yearning for each other, and it just strikes me as a bit odd.”

“Odd?”

“That you can be so close but yet…not.”

Rose sighed. “I don’t know…”

Donna leant in and lowered her voice. “Have you even…done the deed yet?”

Spluttering out a laugh, Rose retorted, “‘The deed?’ Are we teenagers?”

Nudging her with her elbow, Donna muttered, “Oh, you know what I mean. Quite frankly, I’ve been stuck in the middle, these past few weeks, having to watch you two eye-flirt, and it’s getting a bit tedious.”

Rose sobered. “Oh. Listen, Donna, I’m sorry if we’ve made you feel uncomfortable or awkward - ”

Donna waved her hand, dismissing that thought. “No, don’t be daft, it’s not that. It’s just, it can’t be healthy, bottling up all those emotions like you’re doing. Why don’t you just talk to him?”

“Ha, right. Are we talking about the same bloke? The emotionally-repressed Time Lord out there who has a fear of commitment and intimacy issues? That bloke?”

Donna rolled her eyes. “I think you know that he’s different about that stuff with you.”

Rose shrugged, and hugged her mug to her chest.

“Not like he’s ever let anyone as close as you, eh?” Donna pointed out.

“I don’t know, though. You and him, you’ve been through stuff that really matters, you know? The Jenny thing. And then there’s Martha, who was there for him when the whole Master situation went down. Sometimes I feel a little lost, like I’ve missed being there for him at some of the most difficult moments he’s had to go through.”

“From the way he spoke about how he was after the Time War, and the way he spoke about meeting you, being with you, after all that - I don’t think that’s quite true, Rose.”

“I s’pose.” Rose sniffed. “Still.”

“I dunno, I know it’s none of my business,” Donna said, shrugging. “I just want you two to be happy. And at the moment, there’s a lot of tension around here.”

Rose flopped her head against the back of the sofa. “Yeah.”

“I’ll leave you in peace,” Donna said, getting up. “I’m gonna go for a swim before we head to my Mum’s for tea. You’re still coming to that, right?”

“Wouldn’t miss it,” Rose replied, and as Donna walked out of the room, she called out, “Donna?”

She turned back. “Yeah?”

“Thanks.”

Donna smiled. “No problem.”

::

Rose headed to her bedroom a little while later, and tried to read for a bit. She couldn’t concentrate, though; all she could think about was what Donna had said. And then, to compound her confusion, the Doctor showed up.

“You expected things to be different when you got back, didn’t you?” the Doctor murmured, leaning against the doorframe.

Rose looked up from her book. “What?”

He sniffed, and glanced around the room, not meeting her eyes. “You want things to change.”

Standing up, Rose tossed her book to her bed and came over to him. “Doctor - ”

“You can tell me,” he continued, swallowing hard. “You can even shout at me, if you want. I probably deserve it.”

“You don’t,” she protested, frowning deeply. She walked over to him, and stroked her hands down his lapels. “I’m not going to shout at you. Do you think I’m angry or something? ‘Cos I’m not.” She went to reach for his hand, but then realised he had both of his clenched tightly inside his trouser pockets. “Doctor, what’s going on?”

He opened his mouth, but then closed it swiftly, shaking his head.

Rose sighed. “Please tell me.”

“It’s just…” He trailed off, then took a step backwards and cleared his throat. “We’re here, by the way. At Donna’s. I told her I’d fetch you, she wants you to meet Sylvia and Wilf.”

She squinted at him. “Okay, I’ll just grab my trainers. But, Doctor - this conversation isn’t over, yeah? I want to know what’s bothering you.”

He gave a tiny nod and then started walking down the corridor. “I’ll meet you outside.”

Rose nibbled her lip as she went to retrieve her trainers and jacket from her walk-in wardrobe, wondering whether the Doctor had overheard what she and Donna had been talking about earlier, and hoping their evening wouldn’t be too awkward because of it.


	3. Chapter 3

The Doctor lingered in the console room when Donna and Rose first went inside. No one remarked upon it, but the two women did share a confused look. But he’d said he would be out in a few minutes, so they left him to it and went to say hello to Sylvia and Wilf.

“Mum, Gramps - this is Rose.”

“Lovely to meet you both,” Rose said politely, shaking Wilf’s hand. She felt Sylvia look her up and down, but a smile soon came to her face, so she guessed that she had been met with approval.

“You too, sweetheart,” said Wilf.

“I hope you aren’t a vegetarian,” said Sylvia.

Donna rolled her eyes. “No, she isn’t.”

“Good, because I’ve made roast beef. Would you like a drink?”

“That’d be great, thanks.”

They all sat down in the living room and glanced at one another awkwardly, trying to fall naturally into conversation.

“Where’s the alien, then?” Sylvia asked, after pouring out some wine. Then, she put her hand to her mouth. “Wait, you’re not an alien too, are you?”

Rose raised her eyebrows, realising she was addressing her. “Oh! No, I’m human.”

“Oh, good. So where is he?”

“He’ll be in shortly,” Rose said.

Donna nodded. “I think he just had a few things to sort out on the TARDIS, eh Rose?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, I can’t say I miss him,” sniffed Sylvia.

“Mum!”

“Just ignore her,” said Wilf. “She’s missed _you_ , and she likes to take it out on him.”

“My Mum did the same,” Rose said, and turned towards Sylvia. “I get it, you know. I used to just go off with him and try to forget what it was like for those left behind. But it did upset her.”

“Yes. Well.”

“For years you’ve been trying to get me out of this house, though,” Donna pointed out, and took a sip of her drink.

Sylvia bristled. “I’m going to check on the potatoes.”

Once she was out of earshot, Donna looked at Rose, pulled a face, and said, “Sorry about her.”

“No, don’t be, she seems…nice.”

Wilf and Donna both laughed.

::

When the Doctor finally came into the lounge ten minutes later, he sat on the other side of the room and didn’t make eye contact with Rose. She looked towards Donna, who couldn’t meet her gaze either. She wondered if, rather than the Doctor accidentally eavesdropping on her and Donna’s conversation earlier, maybe Donna had actually outright spoken to him about it.

Rose sighed. She knew if Donna had done that, she’d meant well, but the grumpy expression on the Doctor’s face clearly showed that he hadn’t responded positively to whatever prompting or telling off Donna had done.

The Doctor started telling Wilf about a human colony from the year 5436 they had visited last week, carefully omitting the part where they got stuck in a prison cell for an hour. Donna soon interrupted, in order to inform her grandad about that very thing. Rose smiled. Donna came off very well in the story, because unlike herself and the Doctor, she’d managed to get away from the mayor they had annoyed before the guards had been summoned. And then she’d rescued them.

Being shoved into a cell with the Doctor had felt just like old times to Rose, who tried to be optimistic about it.

“One week in and already arrested,” she’d announced, nudging the Doctor with her elbow and grinning up at him. He’d grunted out an apology and she’d rolled her eyes, going for a different tactic. “Hey, just realised…this is the first time we’ve been on our own in days.”

The Doctor had shot her a worried look. “Don’t you like Donna?”

“What? Course I do! I didn’t mean it like that.”

“Oh. Good.”

“Blimey, what’s got your knickers in a twist?”

“What?”

“The mood you’re in! Anyone would think you weren’t the luckiest man in the universe or something.” She’d tried out her teasing smile, and it had just about worked, his mouth quirking up at the corners.

“You’re right. Sorry. Come here.”

She’d cuddled into him, wrapping her arms tightly around his waist as his went around her back, holding her close.

Looking at him now, in Donna’s living room, Rose wished she had the nerve to get up, walk over to him, and sit right there in that space between him and the armrest of the sofa, press up against him and feel his arms around her again. She didn’t know why he had to be so bloody distant when up until a fortnight ago they’d been in separate universes for the last three years. She wanted to be near him all the time, wanted to resume that tactile aspect of their friendship, even if it didn’t lead to anything more.

Rose fiddled with the bracelet she was wearing. Years ago, he’d bought it for her, in a market on a planet she couldn’t remember the name of. Silver, and delicate, with a tiny engraved clasp, and upon returning to her bedroom on the TARDIS two weeks ago, she’d sought it out instantly.

Sylvia called out Donna’s name from the kitchen, jolting Rose out of her memories. Donna got up to help her, and there was suddenly a lull in the conversation. Rose abruptly realised that Wilf had popped out, too, leaving her and the Doctor on their own.

Taking in a deep breath, Rose decided to go for it, hopping up from her seat and moving to sit beside him. “You okay?” she asked, keeping her voice quiet.

He nodded. “Of course, fine, yeah. You?”

“I’m…sort of.” She watched his Adam’s apple bob. He was fidgeting awkwardly. “Doctor - ”

“Let’s not do this here,” he said. His tone was firm, resolute.

Rose bit into her cheek, blinking quickly. There was something about the way he said it, something a bit emotionless, a bit cold, that made tears prick in her eyes. Given that he still wasn’t looking at her, he didn’t notice her reaction, and she was half glad for it.

Clearing her throat, she replied, “Right. But you’re gonna have to talk to me at some point.”

He scratched at the back of his neck. “Yes. I know.”

“Mum’s joined the church choir, apparently,” Donna said, when she returned to the living room. Rose saw that she’d noticed the tension, and was grateful when her friend carried on, “She’s barely ever set foot in a service, but it’s keeping her occupied.”

“Some people find themselves putting faith in something quite late on in their lives,” Rose pointed out, thinking about someone she’d known at Torchwood, who had sought solace with religion after a near-death experience on a mission.

“S’pose. What about you, Rose? You religious?” Donna asked.

The Doctor snorted. Rose ignored him. “Not really. Never have been. But then, sometimes I feel like there could be some higher power. Or else how did I make it back, against all odds, you know?”

“It was you, Rose. Just you,” murmured the Doctor, before bouncing up from his seat. “Gonna check out Wilf’s telescope, back in a mo.”

Rose met Donna’s eyes. Her friend was smiling sadly. “What?”

“Nothing,” she said. They were quiet for a second, and then Donna couldn’t resist blurting out, “It’s just, he’s so bonkers about you, but the two of you have barely spoken today. Have you thought anymore about what I said before?”

“Yeah. All afternoon.” Shifting awkwardly in her seat, she muttered, “But I don’t know what to do. He’s being weird lately. And as we said earlier, he’s not exactly the easiest bloke to talk to about the important stuff.”

“Weird how?” Donna retorted, sitting next to her. “He’s always a bit weird.”

“I dunno, like he thinks something awful’s about to happen, or something.” Rose fiddled with the hem of her t-shirt. “When he gets like that, it’s hard to reason with him, so I’ve been trying to ignore it.”

“I think you should talk to him.”

Rose sighed. “Yeah. Tried that.”

“It must be difficult, coming back and trying to get back to that closeness you had before. But like I said. He’s not had that with anyone else.”

“That’s just it. I think he thinks - I don’t know. It’s like there’s a wall up, with him, where there wasn’t before. It’s strange, ‘cos there’s no sort of pattern to it. He still bloody slept in my bed that time no problem, but - ”

“Wait, what?” Donna interjected. “You _do_ sleep together?”

“No, god no. That first night I was back, he came to my room for a nap, that’s all. But there was nothing…intimate, about it.”

Donna raised her eyebrows. “Sounds pretty intimate for a man like him.”

“That’s my point, I s’pose. He’ll do that, and he won’t see anything weird about it, but anytime I try and steer the conversation to something meaningful, he clams up. And I’ve tried to pretend it doesn’t matter. And it doesn’t, mostly. I’d just like to know where I stand, that’s all, because then I can, you know. Adjust my expectations.”

Donna wrapped her arm around Rose’s shoulders, giving her a quick hug. “Sorry he’s being a git.”

“He doesn’t mean to be. He just doesn’t know how to tell me, I reckon, so he’s trying to protect my feelings.”

“Tell you what?”

“That he doesn’t want things to…progress.”

“Oh, but he does! It’s obvious, Rose. That’s what I’ve been talking about!”

“I don’t think so. Not anymore.”

“Trust me, he’s always got his eye on you, it’s sickening,” Donna grinned. “Come on, just try talking to him again. Maybe today’s the day he’ll finally open up, yeah?”

Rose laughed. “Yeah, pigs’ll fly.”

“Where’s the harm in trying?”

“He didn’t want to just now. Said we shouldn’t, here. Bit sick of him putting it off though, to be honest.” Rose bit into her bottom lip in thought, then glanced at Donna. “Where’s this telescope?”

“Gramps has got it up in the attic at the mo. But the Doctor didn’t actually go up there to see it.”

Rose lifted an eyebrow.

“He went out to the garden,” Donna clarified.

“Oh.” Rose ran a hand through her hair. “Well, if he’s making up excuses to get away from me, then maybe I shouldn’t go find him.”

“Rubbish!” Donna said, pushing at Rose’s arm playfully. “Go see him. Dinner won’t be ready for ages yet. Don’t tell Mum I told you, but she’s had to redo the potatoes. Burnt them all to a crisp!”

::

She found him leaning on the wall surrounding Donna’s patio, looking out onto the garden. Coming to stand next to him, she remained quiet, wondering whether he would breach the silence first. He didn’t. She stared up at the stars for a moment, tugging her sleeves down over her hands to conserve warmth, and steeled herself.

“I know what’s bothering you. These things you think I want, or need, or whatever,” Rose began, before exhaling roughly. “Romance or sex or the conventional relationship. You’re wrong.”

The Doctor stiffened, but otherwise didn’t acknowledge her words.

“I risked everything to get back to the TARDIS, to you. I gave up my whole family. I’m not about to change my mind and walk away from you just because - ”

“That’s just it,” he snapped, turning to her and grabbing her elbow. He gave it a light squeeze, and Rose lifted her eyebrows in surprise. “Why did you do that?”

“What?”

“Blimey, Rose. Your whole family. You can never see them again.”

His eyes burned into her and she shuddered. “Yeah, well, you and Donna, guess you’re my family now. All right?”

“No,” he said, letting go of her. He roughly shoved his hands into his pockets and shook his head. “It’s not all right.”

Rose reeled back, and put her hands on her hips out of reflex. “Excuse me?”

“You could’ve been happy there. With your Mum and Pete, your brother, Mickey - ”

“Doctor, stop it.”

“- but instead you risked your life to come back here. And you’re miserable!”

“Stop it.”

“So was it worth it, Rose? Really?” he demanded, his gaze frantically searching hers. “Coming back here, going back to square one? Can this ever be enough for you?”

Rose nearly lost it; she was so very close to raising her voice and shouting at him right back. But something shifted then, in her chest, a tight ball of anxiety loosening, and it stalled her at the last second. She wrapped her arms around his waist instead, hugging him to her. He was rigid in her embrace at first, but moments later she felt his posture relax, his arms coming up to hold her tightly as he tilted his head and buried his face in her neck.

“I came back for this,” she whispered, squeezing his middle. “It was so difficult, Doctor. You’re right - I could have been happy there, with them. But I never really felt like I belonged. Everything was always just…off. I was out of place. And maybe it’d have got better over time, or maybe I would’ve just got used to it. But why should I have to? Why should I have waited it out, just in case? No. I knew what I wanted, what I’ve always wanted. To be in the TARDIS, travelling with you. Forever.”

She felt him sigh against her, whether in exasperation or relief she wasn’t sure; knowing him, though, it was probably both.

“You can lock me out or push me away if you like,” she continued, drawing back just enough to peer up at his face. “But, you know.” She shrugged, and tipped her head to the side, offering him a smile. “It was sort of a one-way ticket back here, so if you did that, I might have to set up house with Wilf, or something.”

The Doctor chuckled, and Rose grinned.

“God, finally,” she said.

“What’s that?”

“Finally coaxed a laugh out of you. Thought I’d lost my touch for a minute there.”

“Oh, Rose.” He lifted his hand, stroked some of her hair behind her ear. “I’m so sorry.”

He cupped her cheek and she leant into his palm. “I understand what this life is, with you. I get that it’s not what you imagine I should want for myself. But I’m here to stay, no matter what. You want to tell me the rules, fine. Gimme a list of the restrictions, things you’re gonna allow us to say and do with one another. I can respect it, if you want to draw some lines. But, Doctor, you do need to tell me. Because I can’t tiptoe around the arbitrary boundaries you’ve got set up in that head of yours when I’m standing here not knowing they’re even there. That’s just gonna hurt both of us.”

“But Rose, if I do that, if we set up, I don’t know, limitations, then you’re not - ” He cut off, closing his eyes, and leant his forehead against hers. “I don’t want you to be unhappy.”

“And I don’t want you to do anything you don’t want to do,” Rose countered. She tilted her head, forcing him to meet her eyes. “I’ll adjust,” she finished simply.

“No.” His hand slipped into her hair, cupping the back of her head. “You don’t understand. It isn’t that I don’t want - god, Rose. I’ve always _wanted,_ that’s not - ” He floundered for a moment, his free hand finding purchase on her jacket, clenching the fabric tight at her waist. “I used to want so much that even thinking about it felt like too bold a move. Like I was daring the universe to - ” He paused, and swallowed thickly. “I don’t believe in superstitions, you know that. I don’t believe in deities and I don’t believe in destiny. But telling you, showing you, announcing it to the universe, it felt like I was going to jinx it. I had something so good in my life - you made me so happy. To ask for more, to even suggest it…” He shook his head, and drew her closer against him, his arm slipping around her waist. “But I lost you anyway.”

“Yeah,” she murmured, her voice cracking. She cleared her throat, and gripped his arms, giving his biceps a squeeze. “You did. But you’re not gonna lose me now.”

They stared at one another for a few seconds, breathing quickly, pulses racing. But the patio doors slid open, jolting them from the moment.

“Dinner’s ready, you two,” called Sylvia.

The Doctor and Rose let go of one another and turned.

“Just coming,” Rose smiled.

Sylvia nodded and retreated back inside, leaving the doors open for them to follow. Rose glanced at the Doctor, who was rubbing at the back of his neck, looking a bit sheepish.

“Come on, you.” She linked arms with him, tugging him towards the house. “Gotta see if I win that bet with Donna about how long it’ll take you to insult Sylvia’s cooking.”

She bumped his shoulder with the side of her head, grinning up at him, and he rolled his eyes. “Trust you two to be already in cahoots.”


	4. Chapter 4

They were halfway through dinner when Rose noticed that the Doctor seemed calmer. His leg had stopped bouncing up and down, and his fingers had stopped tapping out a rhythm on the table, and he’d even glanced her way a few times.

Rose wondered whether things would go back to normal, after tonight. Or if maybe things would change. She pushed her food around her plate with her fork, considering. On the patio, he’d held her close against him, said those lovely words about always wanting her, looked at her like he had a few days back. Maybe she should just put that dress on again. She smiled to herself as she thought about his reaction.

The other day, Rose had come into the console room ready for the party the Doctor wanted to take her and Donna to. There was something mysterious going on at the opening of some prestigious art gallery in a city on the planet Rokko, so they were to get dressed up and blend in and see if they could work out what was going on.

Rose had chosen to wear the dress she had worn all those years ago, when they’d landed in Cardiff instead of Naples. The Doctor’s mouth had dropped open as soon as he caught sight of her.

“Look what I found,” she’d said, smoothing her hands down the sides of the dress. “Still fits. What do you think?”

He’d opened and closed his mouth a couple of times before finally murmuring, “Never thought I’d see you in that again.”

Rose had felt a bit self-conscious, and shifted her stance, restless. “But does it look okay?”

His eyes had met hers, which she’d then realised meant his gaze had previously fallen a little lower than her face. “Fishing?” he’d asked, his lips quirking up into an infuriating grin.

She’d gone with it, owned it. “Yeah, maybe I am.”

He’d stepped closer, and her heart had almost jumped out of her ribcage at the expression on his face. “You look beautiful.”

Pressing her lips together to hide her wide smile, Rose had reached out and stroked her fingers down the lapel of his tuxedo jacket. “You look smart.” She’d met his gaze. “Quite handsome, really.”

His hands had landed on her waist. “Save me a dance, yeah?” he’d whispered.

Rose shivered a bit in the here and now, thinking about how low his voice had gone. She glanced at him, but he was absorbed in a story Donna was telling her family, interjecting occasionally to correct her. Rose took the opportunity to eye his neck. She’d been so tempted, the other day, when he was standing there with his bowtie still undone around his collar, to lean up and kiss him. She’d thought he was about to kiss _her_ , actually, so she’d held off, waiting for him to make the first move. Of course, Donna had inadvertently interrupted. Again. Rose smiled ruefully. She loved having Donna around, but it did sometimes make it a bit difficult. Mind you, he probably would have got scared and run away if he’d kissed her anyway. So maybe Donna had done her a favour.

She frowned, and bit into a roast potato, chewing it in a determined fashion. She was gonna talk this thing out properly with the Doctor later, finish what they had started outside. She had to.

Just as she thought that, he caught her eye, and smiled. Rose had to the fight the impulse to just sit in his lap and snog his face off. She was fairly certain that wouldn’t go down too well, especially at dinner. Totally impolite.

She swallowed, hoping her thoughts weren’t written all over her face. But the way the Doctor hadn’t yet broken eye contact, along with the audacity of his slightly raised eyebrow, indicated to her that at least one person at the table might have an inkling as to what she was thinking.

At least he wasn’t doing a runner.

::

After they’d finished their meal, a nice roast that the Doctor had managed to refrain from insulting right up to the last second, with a dig about the lumpy gravy, the group remained at the table chatting and nursing their wine. When Sylvia stood up to start on the washing up, Rose offered to help her, but the older woman insisted that as Rose was a guest, she was to stay right where she was.

Wilf was telling them a story about his army days when Rose felt the Doctor’s hand creep into hers. As he was sitting next to her, she looked at Wilf across the table, and she could see in her peripheral vision that the Doctor was watching her. She squeezed his hand, and linked their fingers together. Unable to resist a glance at him, she saw the quick smile that came to his face. It sent a tingle through her again. God, this man.

Donna yawned loudly, then. “Right, seeing as I’ve heard this story of yours about twenty-five times, Gramps, think I’m gonna help Mum tidy up and then head to bed.” She stood up, clearing the last of the plates from the table, and dropped a quick kiss to Wilf’s cheek as she walked past him to the kitchen. Rose smiled. She’d have to look up her Nan, see if she was still all right, still alive. Jackie hadn’t had much contact with her before ending up in the parallel world, not since Rose’s grandfather died, whom Jackie was much closer to. But she was family, and apart from her cousins, probably Rose’s only blood relative left on Earth.

She wasn’t sure whether she’d be able to reform a proper connection with her, since Rose was technically presumed dead in this world, but the least she could do was find out where she was. Maybe she wouldn’t even remember her; Rose hadn’t seen her since she was fifteen. She’d be pretty old by now. Mind you, she thought, watching Wilf with a smile, if this man could be nearly eighty and still as lively as he was, then perhaps her Nan was too.

The Doctor leant close to her ear, suddenly. “You all right?” he whispered.

Rose nodded. “Fine, why?”

“You look a bit…” His eyebrows were drawn together in concern, and he gestured to her eyes with his free hand. She abruptly realised a few tears had gathered, and blinked quickly.

“Oh. No, I’m okay. Was just thinking about Mum, and how she lost touch with my Nan even before…”

He smiled sadly, and Rose let go of his hand to wipe under her eyes, checking her fingers for mascara smudges. Wilf finished his story and excused himself to the loo, leaving her and the Doctor alone. His hand, the one that had been in hers, settled on her thigh, his thumb stroking lightly in comfort. “Do you want to find her?”

“Dunno. Maybe?” Rose bit her lip. “She might be gone already. I don’t remember much about her.”

“Still, we could check.”

“Yeah. Thanks, Doctor.” She rested her hand over his.

“You two should make a quick escape,” said Donna, as she popped her head around the door. “Whilst Mum and Gramps aren’t looking.”

The Doctor and Rose laughed, glanced at one another, then stood up at the same time.

“Thank them for a lovely evening, Donna,” Rose said.

Donna nodded. “Will do. See you in the morning.”

“You’re not sleeping on the TARDIS?” asked the Doctor, tugging on his ear.

“Nah, better stay here the night, keep Mum happy,” Donna replied. She cocked an ear towards the hallway, hearing footsteps. “Go on, shoo, quick!”

Rose laughed again as she slipped on her jacket, and then she and the Doctor made their way out through the backdoors, walking towards where the TARDIS was parked at the bottom of the garden. As they stepped onto the grass, their hands found each other’s easily, and Rose swung their arms between them.

“Donna’s family are great.”

“Well, Wilf is,” the Doctor muttered.

“Hush, you. You know you like Sylvia really.”

He sniffed. “She’s no Jackie Tyler.” Rose stopped, and he glanced back at her, tugging on her arm. “Rose?”

She started walking again, trying to ignore the lump in her throat. When they got to the TARDIS doors, she hurried to unlock it with her own key, and pulled him up the ramp with her. As they reached the console, she turned around and looped her arms around his neck. His hands rested on her waist, holding her firmly, just like he had done the other day.

“Rose?” he said again, his eyes wide.

“Tell me the rules,” she murmured.

The Doctor arched an eyebrow, and was quiet for a few seconds. Then, he shrugged a shoulder. “There are none. Not anymore.”

Rose felt her chest expand as she inhaled a deep breath, then released it shakily. She didn’t miss the way his eyes dropped, then flitted quickly back to her face. She fiddled with the hair at the back of his head. “So.”

“I want to show you something,” he whispered. “But if I fly the TARDIS one foot away from Donna’s garden without her in here with us she’ll have my head. So, remind me, tomorrow, when we leave.”

She narrowed her eyes at him suspiciously. “Okay. Sounds suitably mysterious.”

He grinned. “Good.” Tilting his head towards her, he continued, “For now…”

Rose felt like every atom of her body was trembling as his lips met hers. She clutched at the back of his jacket, angling her head to best capture that bottom lip of his between hers, sucking gently. He made a small noise and held her tighter, pulling her against his body. Seconds passed, and then he deepened the kiss, and Rose wondered how it was that she had loved this man for years and yet had only very occasionally felt his tongue slide against hers. The truth was, though, that she would be with him, love him, even if this wasn’t something they did, something they could have. She had tried to get him to see that, and maybe he did know. But she had to make sure, one more time.

Pulling back, Rose panted for breath for a moment before checking, “Doctor, are you sure this is okay?”

“Yes.” His hands moved to her jacket, pushing it off her shoulders.

“But like, is this gonna - are we - ”

“We lost three years together, Rose,” he said quietly, his fingers counting each rib as he trailed them down her sides. “I don’t want to waste another second.”

“But before…”

“I was right to not believe in superstitions, in deities. All I need to believe in is standing right in front of me. Time I started taking that seriously, hmm?” He kissed her again, his lips moving against hers, and then his mouth was on her jaw, moving down her neck. Rose moaned, and started unbuttoning his jacket.

“Well,” she mumbled, raking her hands through his hair. “S’pose that sounds like something I could get behind.”

“Come to bed with me,” he said, his voice low and setting her mind and heart racing. He punctuated his request with a sharp suck to her collar bone.

“Yeah,” she replied shakily. “Let’s go. Now.” She grabbed his arm, tugging him with her along the corridor.

They stumbled towards his room, hands wandering, until they finally pushed through his door. He kissed her, walking her backwards to his bed, and they fell onto it together, in a heap. Rose giggled, but he was far too preoccupied with getting her t-shirt off to laugh with her.

Once it was out of the way, he paused to take her in for a few moments, before kissing her again, fiercely. Laughing against his lips, she grabbed his face in her hands, pulling him back for a second. “Doctor, slow down, we’ve got all night.”

“Sorry.” He smiled at her sheepishly. “I haven’t done this in a very long time.”

“Yeah?” She raised her eyebrows. “How long?”

“Oh, decades.” Sweeping his hands down her ribcage, he secured her against him with a tight grip on her waist, and rolled onto his back.

Laying atop him, she traced her finger along his jaw. “Do you remember what to do?” she teased.

He squeezed her middle, narrowing his eyes at her. “Just about. Although, the last time I…partook in this sort of activity, well, it’s all a bit hazy.”

Rose froze. “Hazy? In what way?”

The Doctor chuckled. “I just can’t remember it clearly at all. I know I was in my eighth body, and in Paris, but - ” He paused. “Rose? You’ve gone pale. What is it? What’s wrong?”

She rolled off him, biting into her bottom lip as she stared up at the ceiling.

“Rose?”

“I need to tell you something,” she whispered, then cleared her throat. “You might not like it.”

“Okay.” He turned onto his side, facing her, his brow furrowed. Settling his hand over hers, where it was resting on her belly, he murmured, “Tell me.”

“I should have told you before. I just…I felt so guilty.” She swallowed hard. “I _feel_ so guilty.”

“Rose. Listen, if you’ve, I don’t know, if you’ve had a relationship with someone else since…I don’t mind. Well, I’m wildly jealous, but I’m not going to be angry. I’ve no claim on you.”

She rolled her eyes, and lifted their joined hands to her chest, over her heart. “Yeah you do.”

His eyes searched hers. “Did you, then?”

“No. Not - not how you think.”

“Then…?”

“Doctor, what happened that morning. When you woke up in Paris with hazy memories of the night before.”

He frowned. “Why is that even - ” His eyes widened. “Oh. No, surely - ” She watched him gulp, her heart sinking. “Oh my god.” Slipping his hand from hers, he rolled onto his back, too.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t know. Which, I guess, makes it worse. I just…I was so lonely, I - and he - you - were so nice. Such kind eyes. I didn’t…”

“Tell me what happened.”

“You don’t remember? I thought it just came back to you?”

“No. I just put two and two together. I woke up in a hotel room quite clearly having…done that, but I couldn’t remember a thing. I could tell that I’d made myself forget a substantial portion of the evening - I just thought that I’d done something embarrassing that necessitated it for my own peace of mind.”

“What?”

He shrugged. “It’s been known to happen. When you live as long as I do, remembering unfortunate…occurrences, in that regard, years and years down the line, well, it can be a bit frustrating.”

Rose raised her eyebrows. “Right.”

He turned his head towards her. “Did I? Do anything embarrassing.”

Despite herself, she laughed. “No.”

“Good.” Pausing, but holding her gaze, his hand crept back into hers, and then he continued, “How did it all come about, then? Not something I do often.”

She exhaled. “The dimension cannon landed me right underneath the Eiffel Tower. It pissed me off a bit - I wasn’t exactly in the right mindset for the most romantic city on Earth, or whatever.”

“Right.”

“So, I wandered along, not really knowing where I was going or why, and then caught sight of you, all on your own. Didn’t know it was you, then. We got chatting. Went for a beer. Me and you, going for a beer, in Paris. Can you believe that?”

The Doctor smiled.

“Anyway. Could tell you were lonely, just like me. We, um. We lied, both of us, through our teeth. About where we were from, and all that. I think you knew I was lying, but you let me anyway, and I did the same. Neither of us told each other our names. It was…” She sighed to herself.

“Was it terribly romantic?” he teased.

She trailed her fingers over the back of his hand, the one still resting in hers. “I dunno. Not a first. Felt like I was just talking to a mate, really. Just sort of trusted you, I s’pose. And then we left the bar and we went walking along the Seine and all of a sudden it felt - ” Rose ducked her head, blushing.

“It felt what?”

“Sort of magic? Didn’t feel like me, for a bit. It was all happening so fast, I didn’t even - I didn’t plan on it. I want you to know that. I’d never go out and look for - I know we weren’t together, properly, before, but I still wanted to wait. ‘Til I found you again. But he - you. You were lovely.”

“So you kissed me.”

“No,” she said, then laughed. “You kissed me first.”

“I did?” His brow furrowed. “Really?”

“Yeah.”

“And then…”

Rose walked her fingers up his chest. “Well, then we got a room in the nearest hotel. Think you can guess what we did next.”

He blew out a long breath. “Right. Yes. I woke up feeling very…”

“What?”

Letting out a little, embarrassed cough, he muttered, “Satisfied.”

Rose giggled happily. “Oh, well. That’s nice to know.”

“When did you realise it was me?”

She sneaked her hand in between the buttons she’d undone, touching her palm to his bare chest. “When I got your shirt off and felt the second heart.”

“Ah.” He scratched at his neck. “Yes, suppose that’d be a giveaway.”

“Mm. I said your name and you worked out that we knew each other in the future. Then you told me that you’d forget that night, preserve the timelines, that I didn’t have to worry if I still wanted…I felt guilty. I felt a bit like I was taking advantage.” She exhaled roughly. “But you wanted me.”

“I imagine I did, yes.”

“You said it was a good trade,” she said, smiling at him with her tongue poking out of the corner of her mouth. “Having that night with me and then promising you’d forget about it until the time was right. Guess you thought I was hot.”

The Doctor chuckled, rubbing at his eye. “I suppose I must have.” He sniffed. “Had dodgy eyesight that go around.”

“Oi!” She laughed, whacking his shoulder lightly.

He rolled into her and wrapped her in his arms. “I have no doubt that I thought you were absolutely gorgeous, as always.” He grinned.

“That’s actually worse,” she realised, wrinkling her nose. “Go back to the insults, it’s much better than that.”

Snorting, he tickled her sides, provoking her into giggling loudly. It felt good, getting it all off her chest, and that combined with his playfulness made her feel so much lighter.

When she composed herself, she let out a little sigh. “Why don’t you hate me?”

“Why on earth would I hate you?”

“For ruining it, I s’pose. Having our first time with…that you. I mean, I only knew him for a few hours.”

He stroked her hair behind her ear. “I don’t hate you.”

“Can you get your memory of it back?”

“I could, but you might not - I’d have to, well. Look into your head.”

“Oh.” She shrugged a shoulder. “Well, I mean, that’s, I think I’d be okay with that.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. I want you to remember, Doctor. I really do.”

His mouth tipped into a smirk. “Was it good?”

“Very.” Then, she paused. “Well, I dunno, actually. I was pretty desperate. Could be that it was just decent, which was all I needed after five years without.”

“Rude,” he said, squinting at her. He leant in and gave her a kiss. “Well, we’ll see,” he mumbled against her lips. “But first, before we do that…” He trailed his hands down her sides, stroking his thumbs against her waist.

Rose wanted to get his shirt off, but she kept getting distracted by his lips; especially the bottom one, which she had dreamed about nibbling on for years. In the end, they managed to navigate getting his clothes off without breaking their snog for longer than a few seconds, which was quite a feat in Rose’s opinion. Soon he was lying beside her in just his boxer briefs, and she’d avoided looking for so long that it took a few seconds before she could steady her breathing enough to actually catch a proper glimpse. She bit her lip, and the Doctor laughed, pulling her body closer, nuzzling her neck.

Dropping her hand to cup the bulge tenting his pants, Rose grinned, a smile that widened as he groaned and bucked into her. He fumbled at the clasp of her bra, undoing it finally, and they parted for a moment so that he could get it off her and take her in.

“Rose,” he whispered, ghosting his palms over her breasts, cupping them and weighing them and then moaning, just a little bit, when her nipples peaked under his fingers.

“I want to be with you,” Rose whispered back, dropping kisses across his chest as she straddled his knees. “For the rest of my life.”

His hands sank into her hair. “I want that too.”

Her mouth moved lower, and she gave his belly button a peck before nudging her nose along his happy trail, her fingers finding purchase on the waistband of his pants. She dragged the fabric down carefully, and he lifted his bum off the mattress to help her out.

Rose didn’t waste any time in perusing his erect cock. Instead, her fingers wrapped around him, and she shuffled down a bit, so that she was in prime position to wrap her lips around him, too.

The Doctor groaned, loudly, and she moved her hand and mouth on him for a few moments, loving his vocal reaction. When she sucked harder, however, she felt his hands tug on her hair, lifting her head.

“Ah, ah, no, wait, come here,” he said quickly, and she moved back up to kiss his mouth. “Sorry,” he mumbled. “Just don’t want to…you know. Yet.”

She shrugged. “I don’t mind.”

“I know. And you’re - brilliant. At that. But…”

Rose stroked his arm. “You’d better get my jeans off, then,” she pointed out, raising her eyebrows.

He chuckled. “Right, yes. Let’s do that.”

When both of them were finally completely naked, Rose moved onto her back, opening her legs as he moved to kneel between them. He didn’t say anything, but the way he looked at her told her exactly how much he desired her.

Smoothing his hands along her thighs, up to her hips, he asked with an eyebrow gesture for permission.

“You, you mean - ” she replied, waggling her eyebrows right back.

The Doctor laughed, and she wondered whether they were thinking the same thing or miscommunicating completely.

“Can I…” He nodded to between her legs and cleared his throat. “With my tongue.”

“Oh,” she said, her breath hitching. “Oh, yeah. Please.”

The moment his tongue touched her she knew she had been right, in all her fantasies, to have her imagination supply her with the idea that he’d be very, very good at this activity. And she definitely wanted to follow him up on it properly. Later. Because for now, he was almost _too_ good.

“Changed my mind!” she gasped, grabbing his head.

He frowned. “Wasn’t that - ”

“Doctor, it’s great, but I - like you, I want - ”

His eyes widened. “What, you’re…close? Already?”

Rose felt a flush creep across her cheeks and down her neck. “Maybe.” At the sight of his chuffed smile she yanked him forwards by the shoulders, so that he was hovering over her. “We’ve got plenty of time for the other stuff later. Right? For now, just…” She wrapped her legs around him, and used her hand to guide his cock to her entrance. “I want - “

“Inside?” he murmured, lips quirked into a sloppy grin.

“Yes. Exactly, it’s - oh my god.” She arched her back as he slowly sank into her.

“Good?”

“Yep.” She was aware that the word came out as a squeak, but she was too pleased with how fantastic he felt to be embarrassed. Besides, as he moved forwards, he groaned so loudly that she almost giggled, so it was clear that he was just as overwhelmed.

Neither of them lasted long. Rose would be surprised by that, ordinarily, with any other man; but this thing between her and the Doctor had been building up for so long that she wasn’t at all fazed by their quick, and mutual, release. All it took was a few minutes of him thrusting above her, and her sneaking a hand down between them to rub her clit just at the right moment, for them both to go crashing over the edge. 

Slumped on top of her, his face pressing into her neck, the Doctor said, “Well. That’s…”

"Different," she interjected happily, hugging him.

"Good different?" He pushed himself up and off her, rolling onto his back.

" _Perfect._ ”

He made a small, pleased noise. “Ah. I thought so too.”

::

They ended up having sex again barely twenty minutes later. It lasted longer the second time, but it was still just as intense, and Rose was delighted.

"We’re quite good at that," she remarked, as they panted to catch their breaths.

"We really, really are," the Doctor agreed, with a goofy grin.

She ran her hand down his chest, playing a bit with the smattering of hair there. “So, does it feel weird, to know that you slept with me like a hundred years ago?”

Just prior to them getting it on again, the Doctor had gone into her head for a few moments to see what he’d missed out on with his lost memory of their night together in Paris.

He raised his eyebrows, nodding. “Yep. Difficult to believe, really.”

“Ha. Still don’t believe in destiny?” she teased.

“Hmm. Well, you have made an excellent argument for it.” He kissed her forehead. “How long ago was it for you, anyway?”

“Six months.”

“Lucky thing.”

She poked his arm. “Hey.”

The Doctor chuckled, lifting his arm and settling her against him, stroking her shoulder with his thumb as they both stared up at the ceiling.

A few moments passed in a comfortable silence, and then Rose told him, “You know, I really thought I’d have to put that dress on again, to get you to make a move.”

“What dress?”

“The one I wore to the party the other day. The Cardiff dress.”

“Ohhh. That dress.” He smiled. “It’s a very nice dress.”

“I really thought you might - that night. You said you wanted me to save you a dance, but we never got a chance.”

“Yeah.”

She sighed. “What took us so long?”

“I’m sorry,” he said, rolling on his side to look at her. “I got you back and I was so happy but I just…”

“It’s okay.” She stroked his back. “I know. I wasn’t - I’m not mad, Doctor.”

He suddenly took her wrist in his hand, gently pulling it to rest in between them on the pillow, and ran a finger along her bracelet. “Do you remember when I gave you this?”

“Course.” Rose smiled. “You blushed.”

The Doctor scoffed. “Time Lords don’t blush.”

“You so did.” Leaning in, she gave him a peck on the lips. “You thrust it at me, mumbled that it was an early birthday present, and then wouldn’t look at me properly for the rest of the day.” She paused, then added, “Bit like how you wouldn’t look at me earlier.”

“Ah. Well. Not my fault that you’re absolutely terrifying.”

“Terrifying?” Rose laughed. “Me?”

“Yep. Second chances, brilliant things, but terrifying all the same. Rose, I wasn’t sure I could be what you needed, what you wanted me to be. I try, I really do, but - ”

“God, you’re so daft.” She ruffled his hair affectionately. “Stop worrying. I’m back, we’re together again, and it’s fantastic. Let’s just live, yeah?”

He puffed out his cheeks then let out a breath. “Yeah.”

“So, are we gonna share, tonight?”

“If you want to stay. Yes.”

“Good.” She pressed a kiss to his chest and snuggled in close. “That first night I got back. When you came to my room. I thought, after that, you might make it a regular thing. It seemed like you wanted to. Why did you change your mind?”

He stroked a slow circle around her shoulder. “It’s…it’s gonna sound ridiculous.”

“Tell me anyway.”

“I didn’t want you to think that I wasn’t, I don’t know…” He exhaled. “Coping.”

“What, seriously?” Rose propped herself up on her arm to look at him. “Doctor, we’ve been through so much. I would’ve understood.”

He scratched at his left sideburn. “Yeah. I see that now. Sorry. I was daft.”

“Yeah, you were,” she started to say, but yawned half way through.

The Doctor nuzzled the top of her head. “Sleepy?”

“Mmm. Are you?”

“Not really.”

“Are you gonna go?”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“Because right here, next to you. It’s where I want to be right now.”

She wrinkled her nose, then nudged his chest with it. “That’s sweet. But…don’t just sit here and watch me sleep, though.”

Chuckling, he drew the duvet up more securely over them. “I’ll have a doze.”

Rose didn’t reply; she’d already fallen asleep.

::

The next morning, when Rose woke up, she could feel his gaze on her.

She opened an eye. “You’re staring.” 

“Can’t believe you’re back,” he murmured, stroking her arm.

“Been back for a little while now, Doctor,” she mumbled into the pillow, closing her eye again.

The Doctor pulled a face. “All right, be literal about it.” He played with the ends of her hair, tickling her neck, and she batted his hand away. “Sorry. Just a bit hyper. Rose. Can you wake up properly?”

“No.”

He chuckled. “Forgot how grumpy you were in the mornings. I’ve missed it.”

“Liar,” she laughed, rolling onto her back and finally opening her eyes fully. She sat up, trying to wake herself up, but yawned right in his face when he leant in for a kiss. “Sorry! Still pretty tired.”

“I’ve noticed,” he said, and beamed at her. “Come on, let’s get food. I’m starving.”

“Okay. Let me head to the loo first.” She flung the duvet back and stood, stretching her arms up.

He jumped up from the bed, seeking out his pyjamas and putting them on as he watched her cross his room naked.

Rose smirked to herself, then looked over her shoulder, catching him staring at her bum. “Meet you in the galley, yeah Doctor?”

His eyes jumped up to meet hers, and his hand came up to rub the back of his neck. “Yep, yes, okdokes. I’ll get breakfast started.”

::

Donna was already back on the TARDIS when Rose entered the galley.

“Good morning,” Rose said, smiling at her friend.

Donna raised her eyebrows. “Morning.”

The Doctor patted the seat next to him at the table, his eyes twinkling at her happily. Rose couldn’t take the smile off her face. Sitting down, she scooted her chair even closer to him, so that their thighs were touching. The Doctor transferred the fork he was eating with to his left hand, so that he could extend his right arm around her shoulders.

Donna cleared her throat. “So, you two had a nice time last night, then?”

“Oh yeah,” Rose said, starting on her toast. “Your family’s really nice, Donna. Thanks again for inviting me.”

“Not what I meant.”

Rose looked up. “Hmm?” She glanced at the Doctor, whose cheeks had gone pink. “Oh! Right.” She shifted in her seat awkwardly.

Donna laughed. “I’m glad you’ve sorted things out.”

“Thanks,” Rose mumbled, embarrassed. But she still couldn’t stop smiling, and when she looked at Donna again, the other woman was smiling too. She really did look so happy for them. It warmed Rose’s heart towards her friend even more.

The Doctor’s arm slipped from her shoulders, instead curving around her lower back, his right hand sitting securely on her right hip. It gave Rose more room to manoeuvre with eating her breakfast, and had the added bonus of making her feel completely content. She was quite looking forward to all the intimate little moves he’d start to pull during their day to day life.

After a few minutes of idle conversation, the Doctor excused himself to get dressed, telling Rose to meet him in the console room in twenty minutes. As he stood up, he dropped a kiss to the top of her head, and Rose had to bite her lip to hide her grin.

Once he’d left, Donna jumped up and held out her arms.

“What?” Rose laughed.

“Come here, give me a hug,” Donna said, and Rose stood, still laughing as she accepted Donna’s friendly embrace. Squeezing her so tight that Rose struggled to breathe for a second, Donna said, “I’m so relieved. I was starting to think I was gonna have to lock you two in a room on your own or something!”

Rose pulled back. “Yeah, it was getting a bit daft, wasn’t it?”

“Just a bit,” Donna snorted.

They sat back down. “Thanks for letting me talk to you about it. I feel a bit guilty, like I kept making every conversation about me and him.”

“Don’t be silly, you barely mentioned it - that was what was so frustrating! I’m pleased you opened up yesterday.”

“Oh. Yeah, I suppose…well, being around him, guess you learn to keep stuff like that to yourself.”

“But now you don’t have to,” Donna beamed. “Because you can be a proper couple.” She pointed her fork at Rose. “Not that I’m gonna be very chuffed if I walk in on you two canoodling every five seconds.”

Rose took a sip of her drink. “Don’t worry, we’ll keep it to the bedroom.”

“You’d better.” Donna grinned. “Right, now that I’ve got you two together, I can finally start concentrating on my own love life.”

“Oh? Got us together, did you?”

“Please. You know I did. How you ever got anything done when you travelled together before is beyond me; surprised you could focus on saving the world with that much bloody tension between you.”

Rose shrugged. “Kind of liked the build up.” She waggled her eyebrows. “The anticipation.”

“Yeah, all right,” Donna laughed. “Just enjoy the next phase, yeah? Don’t push each other away anymore. Both of you are practically glowing this morning - that shows how much you needed it!”

“ _Anyway_ ,” Rose said, ignoring the blush that came to her cheeks again, “You mentioned concentrating on your love life. Got anyone in mind?”

“Well…”

::

Twenty minutes later, after a very giggly conversation over tea and toast with Donna about the handsome man her friend saw at the corner shop this morning, Rose practically skipped to the console room. Donna had said something mysterious about the Doctor only wanting Rose to meet him in there, before scarpering to her room, muttering something about not wanting to give it away. Rose was delighted by the prospect of a surprise, then remembered that the Doctor had mentioned last night that he’d wanted to take her somewhere.

“All right, Doctor?” Rose greeted, walking up behind him.

He turned, grinning at her, and pulled her towards him. “Hello.”

“Hello,” she replied, encircling his neck with her arms.

The Doctor dipped his head and kissed her, slowly and deeply, and Rose pressed against him, very much enjoying the way his hands settled on her arse. As he broke the kiss, he gave her bum a quick squeeze, then let go of her, bounding over to the ramp. “Come on!” he said, looking excited.

She joined him at the bottom of the ramp and stared at him expectantly when he just stood there watching her. “Yeah?”

“This was what I wanted to show you,” he murmured, opening the TARDIS doors.

They were floating in space, a beautiful nebula right there, as though Rose could reach out and touch it, be part of it. It was breathtaking.

“Once, we stood together staring up at a black hole, not knowing if we’d ever get home,” he said, speaking softly. He sat down in the TARDIS doorway, his legs hanging over the edge, and patted the floor next to him. Rose joined him, and they sat pressed close together, thighs and arms touching. He gestured at the sight before them. “That’s the Eagle nebula, or so the humans call it. Bunch of interstellar clouds, elements coming together, the beginning of life for protostars. In fact, a famous photograph with your lot’s Hubble telescope calls those the ‘Pillars of Creation.’ Nice touch, eh?”

Rose’s hand gravitated from her own lap to the Doctor’s, seeking out his hand, twining their little fingers together loosely. “It’s lovely.”

He kept his gaze focussed on the nebula and continued, “Anyway. Back then, with the black hole. I knew that whatever happened, whether we found the TARDIS or not, however terrified I was, I’d have you, there, with me.”

“Yeah.”

The Doctor was silent for a minute, then cleared his throat. “When you were gone, I used to think about it. About what would’ve happened if we’d not found the TARDIS that day.”

“Pretty sure we’d have got sucked into the black hole, right?” Rose pointed out, bumping his shoulder with hers.

“It’s not too difficult for me to tap into a timeline where that wasn’t the case. Where we’d just gone with Zach and his team, ended up with a new life somewhere.”

Rose snorted. “You’d have gone barmy.”

“No.” He turned to her, suddenly. “Rose.”

Her breath caught in her throat at the intense look on his face. “Yeah?”

“I love you.”

She pressed her lips together, holding back a grin.

He widened his eyes at her deliberately, and squeaked out a quiet, meaningful cough.

“Oh, right,” she laughed. “I love you too.”

The Doctor beamed, and sneaked his arm around her, drawing her against him. As she settled into his side, watching the dust and clouds of the nebula move and swirl, Rose felt him press a kiss to her hair.

“Before you came to the galley this morning, I told Donna I was gonna do this. She didn’t reckon I could pull it off,” he confided quietly.

Rose laughed. “Didn’t she? Well. I’d better tell her, later, how romantic you were.”

“See to it that you do,” he chuckled, resting his cheek on the top of her head. He inhaled, then sighed happily. “I’m so glad you’re back.”

“Me too. Doctor?”

“Yeah?”

“Where are we gonna go next?”

“Ooh.” He squinted into the distance, and gave her a squeeze, waving his free hand vaguely. “That way.”

She smiled. “Mmm. That way. Sounds good.”

He tilted his head, catching her eye. “The best.”


End file.
